17:34
As
it’s been known, as a stage when a young child (male or female) experiences
changes both physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. Behaviours,
manners, and attitudes are also developed during this period. This season is
the season when a child goes into the stage of puberty. A lot of things happen
during this season that most of our parents do not know. Statistics as shown
that a few of our parents take note of the changes that occur in their wards.
Many parents are too occupied with the worries, struggles & hustling of
life, forgetting that this stage is a very critical stage of a youth’s life.
Whatever changes, attitude, groups or peer, behaviours that a child gets involved
in during this period will determine what kind of a person he or she will
become (either good or bad).Many who are Addicts today did not start being
addicts when they became married, most of these cases starts at the ages of
12-19. A lot of youth are facing mental and emotional issues that can’t be
explained to anyone because their years of Adolescence were wrongly used. They
either had no one to put them through or had someone who was too busy fixing up
other areas of the child’s life or they even had someone who put them through
in a wrong way. Most times, I do not blame the kid who is facing these
challenges. I blame the parents because it was their responsibility to give
their wards a proper upbringing. Though, the parents aren’t 100% perfect, but
it is left to them to determine how their wards life will be (as God has given
the capacity). You will agree with me that there are many things our parents
failed to do in order to help us while growing up. I will point out a few so
that you won’t make such mistakes when bringing up your wards.
Scriptures says “train you child in the
ways of the lord, so that he will give rest”. Many parents are not having rest
today because they did not train their children in the ways of God. A child
that does not fear God will speak at the father or mother or even slap them
when he or she is in wrath. Every of the issues we face in this country all
started from our homes. Once the God factor is not in place, the life of the
youth becomes miserable. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to
wrath”....many of our parents do not check up the meaning of that scripture
verse, all they are concerned with is the first part, which is “children honour
your parents in the lord, so that your days may be long”. It’s funny sometimes
when in the western part of this country, parents are always right, parents do
not lie either because you dare not say that an elder lies. But come to think
of it, were there not times when your parents offended you and hurt you? Now,
ask yourself, did they bother to apologise? NO! They couldn’t have apologized
because it is a belief that elders are right but we forget the fact that here
is s child whose emotions is being tampered with. Many people keep to
themselves, stay indoors most of the times, and hardly keep friends because
they have been hurt several times by their own immediate family members who
found “SORRY”, big a word, to say. Irrespective of your age or status, once you
offend a child even after punishing him for doing something wrong, draw the
child close and sow a seed of smile, apologize when you know that you wrongly
punished him, it won’t cost you a thing. It will even help the child build a
deeper trust in you.
When an adolescent misbehaves especially
morally, cane is not the next option. Many of our parents feel that beating a
child always for a wrong doing will solve the issue, NO! , it won’t. In fact,
you will only worsen it because a stubborn child will resolve into a collusion
of “at last, daddy or mummy will beat me”. Instead, when he does something wrong
and usually you were meant to beat him, do not touch him. Scriptures says that
the word of God is like a two-hedged sword, it pierces through the heart. When
God was going to deal with Adam and Eve, he spoke. There is power in your
words. Many parent also make this mistake, they speak at the child instead of
speaking with the child. I would rather ground my child and deprive him of a
game or something he loves doing because he did something wrong than to beat
the child. We mostly watch American films but we do not learn from them. A
child that is grounded becomes sober unconsciously; he therefore thinks about
his flaws, you don’t need to teach him never to do so again because he knows he
would be punished. Also, learn not to give a child the same measure of
punishment, diversify! And after the punishment, call your child and speak
sense into his or her head.
An aspect that hurts most, in which our
parents handle carelessly or harshly, is the emotional aspect. Listen, an
Adolescent, due to the changes in the level of hormones (especially growth
hormone and the hormones of the gonads, e.g. oestrogen, progesterone and
testosterone) tend to have changes in Emotions. He or she begins to feel
strange emotionally and mentally. They tend to feel among and this is where
Peer pressure comes in. If they are not properly monitored and guided, they
fall into the wrong group and become total strangers to you. Dress sense
changes, manner of speaking changes, attitude becomes annoying. Parents at this
point, shout at their wards and rebuke them instead of advising and guiding
them properly. Check it, you are who you are today because of the kinds of
friends you’ve moved with. If you smoke, drink, fornicate, masturbate etc check
the source. A lot of girls are prostitute while guys are armed robbers or gold
diggers because of the company they made. “Blessed is the man that walks not in
the counsel of the ungodly or seats in the seat of the scornful or walks in the
ways of the sinners...” Anyone that is found in these groups could be handled
in a Godly way using the Word; a shout can’t solve the issue. You need to make
your ward see the dangers of such groups and let him or her make a choice
because we all know the right thing but making the right choice is difficult.
Having an affair with the opposite sex
is an issue that we do not handle well. Once a parent discovers that their ward
is in an affair, they shout, scream, abuse both parties even send words to the
other parent. This is wrong. You have child who is just being exposed to an
affair because of his or her emotions or feelings for the other party. It is
your responsibility as a parent to let your ward see the importance of an
affair, the good side and the bad side, also, tell them the consequences of
such affairs at that age. Let’s be sincere with ourselves, most of us are in a
relationship or affair that none of our parents know about. It’s funny but it’s
the truth. It is not meant to be so, your parents are meant to guide you as you
engage in such relationships. But to be candid, we could not tell them because
of the experiences of the past. The first girl I ever spoke to about love was
my classmate in secondary school. My mom got to know two weeks after we started
the affair. On that fateful day, my mum slapped, kicked and beat me with
anything she found around considering the fact that she is a teacher. The next
day, she took both of us to another teacher who threatened to deal with us. I
was embarrassed and emotionally disturbed just like most of you were. Her
action was to stop me from having an affair at SSS2 but it was approached in
the wrong way. Few weeks later, I still approached another lady but this time I
was smart enough not to let my mom know. Yes, I was smart but my education was
at stake because mom failed to guide me and make me understand that once you
find it difficult to control your emotions for opposite sex, you cannot find a
balance academically.
If only our parents took enough time to
guide us in the right way, the world would have been a better place without
mess. Many lives have been destroyed because of the careless attitude of their
guardians when they were Adolescence. Addictions such as smoking, sex maniac,
drinking, masturbation, homosexuality, etc would have been dealt with t the
early stage of our lives before things went out of hand. The mistakes have been
made, hearts have been broken, scars have been left but it must not repeat
itself in the life of your own kids. You
know what to do, so do it. No home can have peace if the God factor is
not in place. “Come unto me all ye that labour.....and I will give you rest”.
Jesus has a peace that surpasses human understanding, because he is the way,
the truth and life. Invite him into your life and homes today and he will
repair the broken hearts and homes, he will wipe away the scars and he will
give your life and homes a new meaning. JESUS LOVES YOU
Prince
Olowu Festus Olusesan (OLAFEST)
(Signed)
